Before having children I had no idea what a baby Bjorn was and I thought a ‘travel system’ was a mode of public transport. Four and a half years into motherhood and I have wised up……a lot!
Here are just a few of my favourite funny mummy musings that I have either borrowed (with permission!), read or simply discovered myself:
1. ‘I used to wear Gucci Gold (perfume), now I wear SMA Gold’.
When my friend Nikki posted this as her FB status just a few months after becoming a mum, I felt that she had neatly summed up the culture shock that comes with motherhood in one nifty little sentence. I also remember the days when I had more time to get ready in the morning, to style my hair, put make-up on (have a shower….clean my teeth….go to the loo….you get my drift!). I love my boys so much and I would never want to go back to a time without them in my life but I do sometimes think back nostalgically to the more ‘styled’ me; a woman who never left the house with baby-food-encrusted or dribble-soaked tops on and who always had an array of smart and clean clothes hanging in the wardrobe to choose from.
The tidal wave of poo that usually comes at the most inconvenient moment…..like when you are out and about and just used your last baby wipe or when your little one hasn’t been for a couple of days and decides to have a poo explosion when you have just nipped out with no spare set of clothes and are nowhere near a toilet. “We are only going to be out for 5 minutes, it’ll be fine”…sound familiar??
3. The “mummy-no-eat” radar
Until I had a child of my own, I never realised that new-borns come fully equipped with an in-built feature to try and help you lose your pregnancy weight. Though they may be sleeping deeply while you prepare your meal or while you are waiting for it in a café, the minute you put fork to mouth a special wave of information seems to be transmitted to them which wakes them up instantly and makes them cry. This feature then evolves as they grow up and continues in the form of toddlers who never let you eat biscuits, cakes, sweets etc. and who always find your food far more enticing than their own…..even when it is exactly the same!!
As Luca approached his second birthday, Paul and I braced ourselves for the ‘terrible twos’…..but they never really came and we congratulated ourselves on having a child who was obviously just ‘too sweet’ for such a thing. Then he hit 3 and we truly were not prepared for some of the outbursts that made scenes from the Exorcist look quite tame. Stomping of feet, slamming of doors, strange and scary tone to the voice…..if we hadn’t been so taken aback by these unexpected tantrums from our ‘little angel’, I think we might have actually found the drama quite funny.
5. I’m the mummy
My own personal threenager then turned four(ty) and, for a while, it was like having a little police officer following me around at home telling me what’s what! ‘No mummy, you don’t hold the train like that.’ ‘Well done mummy, you can have a sticker for being a good girl’. He is now four and a half and at school and, while we may have survived and surpassed the threenager stage, we actually now look back at those times with some fondness as that was when our oldest was definitely still a little boy, while now he is starting to look (and sound!) all grown up…..it’s ok though as we have our other son (Matteo, 21 months) to remind us of those beloved tantrumy times since he seems to have started the “terrible twos” a few months early!
(image from Pinterest; main image from http://www.123rf.com)